Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Accepting Changes

My life is very different now than it was a year ago. In fact if you would have told me all of the changes that would occur in the coming year I wouldn't have believed it!
It all started in October when I fell in the kitchen of my restaurant-not once but twice!- because once is never enough with me apparently! To make a long story short, I hurt both of my knees and wound up in the emergency room... It all went to hell in a hand basket after that!
Two weeks later my Mom fell, and did not go to the emergency room, so that her injuries developed into pleurisy and she had to be put on life support for 22 days. During which time I lost 5 friends ranging in age from 17 to 80.. It was a tragic time to say the least. How my Mom survived and the others didn't is a miracle. We brought Mom home, thinking it would be our last days with her. I closed my restaurant so that I could care for her 24/7. This was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make! I assumed it would be for a short while, but sadly I had to close for good and remove my equipment when the landlord decided to sell the building. I never thought I would leave the place I put my heart and soul into. It was such a struggle to get it off the ground, and finally to be able to see it succeed was a great joy.
I met so many wonderful people, and made some new friends that will last a lifetime!
I lost my two best friends shortly after opening, and it was in my kitchen that I found solace for my loss. When I had to close it was as if I lost them all over again too! I could feel their spirits guiding me every morning when I would get in my kitchen and cook. I miss them. I miss my life.
Luckily Mom is still with us, and it is it a great blessing when so many younger and stronger have not made it.
I have had such a mental, emotional and financial struggle this past year. I am not the same person I was a year ago, I had to let her go. I miss my old self, but I have evolved into a new person, and even found some of the hope and dreams I had as a child beginning to resurface.
I have learned a lot about myself and what makes me happy, and what I really want in the future for my life.
I miss creating beautiful things. That has always made me happy, and I plan on being creative for the rest of my life. My family thinks I am crazy, and they do not understand this pull inside me-they never did. But one thing about growing up, I don't need them to understand or approve any more! I am going to do this for myself. I have to listen to that voice inside my head that I have been suppressing for so long!
I will be an artist, a crafter, a jewelry maker, a baker, a writer, a t shirt maker, and any other little 'ol thing my heart desires!
I invite you to come along for the ride!